Going to university

It’s time to grow up. I’m 18 but I never felt like my age, somehow I always felt younger than my friend and fellow 18 year olds. Can you relate? I don’t handle responsibility well, to be honest I fear it, and I fear being judged by others and I avoid conflicts and confrontations like it was a rabies infected werewolf. I probably won’t be able to function the way a normal adult human being should.  You may be asking what brought this deep analyzing of myself up. Well, I applied for university today. I have no idea if I chose the right courses or not. I would love if I got into psychology, but I will probably get into archeology or cognitive science. Not that I wouldn’t like that, but I don’t know if it’s right for me. Shit, university means a lot of responsibility and having to do a lot of stuff I really don’t want to. I panic at the thought of job interviews and I fear that I might not be able to make any new friends. I have to get an apartment, living alone for the first time in my life, pay the bills, get food, get a job, make friends, get through school and stuff. I have no idea what’s going to happen to me. I don’t even know if I will be able to do it, everything. I’m not ready to grow up. I don’t want to be forced to take responsibility. I’d like it to come slowly and over a period of time so that I can get used to it.  I just don’t know if  I can handle this, but I don’t want to give up and move back home. That would be the most humiliating thing to do. Shit.

Dying

Image via Wikipedia

I feel like I’m dying. No, that’s wrong. I want to die, yeah, that’s it. I hate being ill!

Friday

I had to take the day off in school because I got an appointment with a dentist in a city an hour from here. And I woke up with a sore throat. Are you supposed to go the dentist when your throat hurts like a bitch? Eh, screw it. I took the day off, so they are going to have to deal with it.

If you could live forever, would you? Why or why not?

Yes, I would. I just know I’ll regret it, but I’m far to curious to say no if I came across such an opportunity. I want to know what the future hold, how humanity will change, what new things will be discovered, will there ever be true peace, will we kill each other, will we destroy our own planet, will everyone have rights, and much more.  On the other side, all my friends and family will wither away and die. Everyone I will ever love will die. Since I’m going to live such a long time, a normal human lifetime will seem like such a sort time for me. After a while, I think I might just stop caring about the world, go to sleep and sleep until the end. But as I said before, the curiosity overcomes the negative consequences eternal life might bring.

Picture, picture, you’re in bad quality

Mom and I made thai-food today – green curry chicken stew. It was delicious, I tell you! Oh, and here’s a bad quality picture of my prom dress. But I promise you, better photos will be uploaded closer to prom day, which is at 7th June.

How many times have you been in love?

Image by harold.lloyd via Flickr

This might sound really tragic, but I have never been in love. Sure, I’ve had crushes and been attracted to people, but never have I been in love. Even though I’m only 18, I still feel as if there’s something wrong with that. Most of my friends have been in love or are in love. It’s a strange feeling, a sort of pressure from society. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel romantic love for somebody, but I have the rest of my life in front of me. Someday, somewhere, I might fall in love.

Yeah, that really sounded sappy. Sorry.

Family’s family

Sometimes my brother show that he, despite all evidence to the contrary, can be awesome. Proof?

Y

It’s the final countdown…

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Went to Gävle with a friend today, and we got our prom dresses. Mine costs 3200 Swedish kronor (SEK), which translates to 492 US dollars. Freaking expensive, but the dress is truly beautiful and fits me perfectly! Pictures may be uploaded in a day or two.

TMI: When I got of the train, I really needed to “drop a nuke”, if you get my point (if you didn’t I get to call you stupid and tell you it got something to do with the bathroom and a certain thing called toilet). I seriously did not think I would make it home! It was horrible! But fortunately, I did make it home, just in time.

Ain’t no rest for the wicked

Having to study while your head feels like it’s trying to get away from your body is not the best way to spend an evening. Though I have one test over, in philosophy, a bunch of stuff remains.  On Wednesday, in sports (p.e.) we’re going to do leg massage. What’s up with that?

What were your favorite books as a child, and why?

Image by Xanetia via Flickr

I don’t really remember any specific books, but I remember loving all books by David Eddings.  I mostly read fantasy, and I think it was because it was an easy way to escape reality, you see I’m an escapist (escapism). Today I mostly “escape” reality by movies and tv-series, humour and daydreaming, but as a kid I used the wonderful worlds that exist in the fantasy genre.

I’m not really into fantasy as much as I used to, I prefer science fiction, action and most of all post-apocalyptic fiction now.  The worlds in fantasy books where much more simple than reality, at least I thought so when younger. I found it hard to make friends as a kid, I suffered from extreme shyness around strangers. I still find it hard to speak to stranger, but it’s gotten a whole lot better. In the fantasy world the social bit didn’t seem to be as hard as in real life, and seeing how magic existed there, maybe I could be strong and brave too, just by different means.

I used to read a lot more too, before I got my first computer and before we got internet in my house. Using the computer to keep me entertained is a lot more simple than finding a really good book and reading. I used to read a lot, at least one book per month. I loved reading , I could spend an entire day just reading, with occasional breaks for food or going to the toilet.  Even today my view on a perfect day is spending it laying in my bed, with a good book and some snacks.

I don’t understand those people who say they don’t like reading. Is it because they can’t imagine the happenings and people in the book in their heads? I understand those who don’t read because they don’t have time, but those who don’t read because they don’t like it?  There’s even a facebook page called I don’t read. Loads of people have liked it, meaning that loads of people proudly will tell you that they don’t read and that they’re proud of it. I find that horrible!

I’ve began to read a little here and there, and I hope to begin to read as much as I did as a child. It’s hard because of school. I come home late, tired and with loads of homework, but I want to make time for a book. I won’t be able to read through books as fast as I did when younger, but at least I’ll be reading.